The Good, The Bad & The Ugly Stag pranks by Maximise.

As a Best man, rocking a memorable Stag Do pitched to perfection can appear as tricky as convincing your nan that Movember is only for us guys without hurting her feelings. For a leg up look no further than the unique marvel of the good people at Maximise. They have the experience and the cahones to make sure that your Stag Do is one to be reveled in over many pints for years to come. Enjoy their guest blogging comedy gold.

Maximise are the leading specialist Stag weekend organiser in the UK. You’ll find great Stag ideas for your weekend in the UK, Europe or abroad on our website, just take a look!

Stag Pranks: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

“I’ll sleep better knowing my good friend is by my side to protect me” says Blondie in the classic western The Good, the Bad and the Ugly. It’s a sentiment echoed by a lot of grooms-to-be on a stag do, but unfortunately it’s usually the best friend you need to keep an eye on.

In the wake of one of the most sensational stag do pranks of all time, which saw Mark Longley from Croydon, the groom,have the pubic hair of the stags glued to his face on his stag do, the stag weekend company Maximise.co.uk have put together the ultimate list of stag pranks for the best man to take inspiration from. Whatever pranks you end up using though, from the playful through to the ‘he’s-going-to-kill-me-for-doing-this’, remember to pick wisely. After all, what goes around does inevitably come around, usually around the time of your stag do.

The Good

Not all pranks have to end in tears. Play nice with these fun pranks, guaranteeing a good story for the best man speech but minimising the fear of evil prank retribution on your own stag do.

• Sexy Hitchhiker: Only available in Eastern European countries (unsurprisingly), Maximise can organise a sexy twist to the classic hitchhiker hijack. The Sexy Hitchhiker package involves a prank straight from the plane. During the transfer from the airport to your hotel, your taxi driver will pick up a pretty girl looking for a ride. After some chit chat, the sexy hitchhiker will identify the stag and start a mini-cab strip to his surprise (and delight!)

• Blindfold Bungee: Get the stag to face his fear of heights with blind bungee. It’ll take a lot of planning and some convincing execution, but the results will be worth the effort. Ideally incorporate into an active adventure weekend so it’s less of a random request. Get the camera ready to film the results as you watch the blindfolded groom, complete in a bungee harness, take a blind leap of faith into the abyss, only to land in a paddling pool a couple of feet away. Watch these Norwegian lads execute this prank to perfection below.

      Rabid Dog: For those who want to get truly barking mad on their stag weekend in Krakow… Got a stag who thinks he’s fearless? Get him to try our rabid dog chase! The rest of the lads will all stand back and watch the show as the stag gets baited by a K9 dog, who will hunt the stag down and latch on. Luckily enough the stag will be wearing protective gear and there will be a professional handler to keep things in order… maybe tell the stag to take a change of underwear just in case though!

• Novelty Stripper: Enjoy this hilarious stag prank on your stag weekend in Budapest… You and the lads can watch the look of delight on the stags face at the prospect of a gorgeous stripper turning up to do her thing turn in to something else completely as our ‘bubbly’ beauty shimmies up to the man of the moment for a 15 minute performance… This buxom stripper will give you and the lads a show that none of you will forget in a hurry…

The Bad

If you’re looking to prank the stag with something a bit crueller, (maybe you want to get revenge for the pranks he organised for your stag?), then check out these lean and mean ideas.

• Stag Arrest: This prank works best if only one or two of you know it’s a stitch up – the reaction of his terrified groom’s men with really get the stag convinced they’re in trouble.  Maximise’s Stag Arrest involves actual off-duty cops turning up to arrest your stag group on a misdemeanour charge. Those arrested will be taken away to a (now abandoned) police station that’s set up to look like a working station – there they’ll be interrogated until the prankster reveals all.

• Get on the weights son: After the stag has finished his packing, sneak a brick or two into his luggage. Watch him struggle and sweat with his bag – but if he asks you if his bag feels heavy to you, lift it up as if it’s light as a feather and tell him to ‘get on the weights son’.

• Busk-a-groom: Take the groom’s money and possessions, give him a guitar and force him to busk for his beer money.

• Team Betrayal: Stuck for fancy dress ideas on a stag do? These Birmingham lads knew the outfit that would humiliate their West Brom supporting stag the most – the Wolves football kit! Getting the stag kitted out in the colour of his team’s nemesis is definitely going to wind him up a treat.

The Ugly

If it’s no-holds barred prank carnage you’re after, (and you’re prepared for your best mate to not speak to you until after the wedding), here are some more ugly stunts to consider.

• Sexy stripper swap: Halfway through the stag’s striptease, have the female stripper blindfold him. She steps away to let a male stripper take over, unbeknownst to the stag. You’ll have some excellent, extortion-worthy video of the stag enjoy an outrageous lap dance from an oiled-up muscle man.

• Destination Unknown: Lower the expectations of the groom by convincing him you’re headed to a cheap-but-cheerful party town. Pack everyone up on the National Express and watch the groom pretend he’s not disappointed he’s not headed to Vegas or Ibiza.  You can play the big reveal in the naff location by heading straight to the city’s airport and getting on an airplane out of there! (Just don’t forget the stag’s passport…)

•  Preacher gotta preach:  Dress the stag as a religious figure, complete with bible, and he only gets a beer if and when he can get pedestrians to say Amen. Be careful how far you push religious dress up though; if you’re in a religious country you don’t want to upset any locals with blasphemous behaviour. After all, who can forget the stag group who dressed up as naughty nuns in Malia, only to be arrested and locked up for the night in a local Greek jail!

• Brown fudgies: Quite literally, the ugliest prank of them all. Anything involving laxatives is never going to end well. Before you bring poop-inducing pills into the prank equation though, remember that someone’s going to have to clean it up and have to explain the mess to the hotel manager.

As always if you’re a Best man, Groom, Father of the Bride, a Bride or Bridesmaid this year see ‘our services’ for speech writing. Have a look at some of our previous speech writing blogs.

‘Numpty Proof’ Stag Do Guide to keep the Away Stag Do as smooth as Arthur Fonzarello.

I’ve been on a few Stag Do’s where mass confusion has ensued purely because of a lack of information sharing. You can be as organised as a farmer successfully taxi-ing their Fox, Chicken and Chicken Feed across a river. If you don’t keep the group in the loop then expect confused carnage.

I came across the Stag Programme idea on an Edinburgh Stag Do many moons ago and loved it as it not only filled you in on the itinerary/rendezvous it also provides the opportunity to slate the Stag with more gusto than you can during the Best man speech when his Great Aunty Ethyl and Gam-Gam are present. “What did that young man say about feeding a pony Ethyl?” Awkward times.

On a recent stag do I organised there were two ‘Loose Cannons’ in the Stag group who were concerned about following the ‘Stag Do Programme’. Amazing, unique individuals whose sheer presence have put ‘two fingers up’ to Charles Darwin. One of which is harder than a Beaver’s bottom lip and the other is as random as a Sandal on a Cheese Board. The first gent can jump up in the air and spin-kick ‘Van Damme styley’ and accurately brush your fringe with his shoe. The second hero literally gave road side ‘mouth to mouth’ resuscitation to a Badger (unsuccessfully I might add). The ‘Stag Do Programme’ kept decorum for the group as a whole and kept these two hero’s singing from the same collective hymn sheet as the rest of the crew from start to finish. Amen.

Here follows an example of a ‘Stag do Programme’.

The Fabulous amigos sharing Rich Tales and fables of Will Owen Price on his farewell tour.

Courtship is as old as the early days of fire and the wheel my friend.

Well here we all are. A weekend away to mark the impending sunset of the single life and times of Will Owen Price. Mother Nature’s impish man child burrowed himself in many a furry warren in the pulling years of 1999 to 2002. I was proud to be your wing man and to mop up the low self-esteemed chicas whose hot friend had abandoned them to get silly with Willy. We came across quite a selection of wild cats and Hobbit footed natural disasters over those memorable times.

“If you want to get out of the wedding, treat every day from now on like a prison riot.” Barrington Bear age 31 ½

Prison riots are a lot like getting married. Women look for weakness. Like the annual migration of Water Bison through Lion town in the Serengeti. There’s always fear in the air. There comes a time when a Water Bison might as well accept it and embrace the inevitability. Some men can’t handle it. They buckle under the fear. These are the ones who get taken down by the jugular faster than a pair of pants on Prom Night.

It’s not too late hombre. Options….

Play dead. It’s a strategy that will save you in the long game. It requires commitment, a safe house and a counterfeit Passport.

Another Prison Riot strategy is to side with the homosexuals. This will require a significant lifestyle shift and is a guaranteed banker.

Flog your dolphin in public. This is a bold move, not my style, it’s extremely effective at isolating yourself from ‘normal’ society.

A wise man once said “One day we all end up at the banquet of our own consequences.” Ronald Burgundy.

For many men that banquet is a disturbing and fitting conclusion to a life of poor choices. As for you my good man if you ignore the ‘prison riot Survival Rules’ and take the plunge your banquet will be fit for Kimye.

Either way we’ll all be there in the good times and the bad. Tip of the cap to you amigo.

Friday Aug 1^st 3 – 5pm ‘Titan Zip-Line’ o’clock.

For the non-flyers there’s a café that serves Fire-water on site.

Blaenau Ffestiniog.  Titan, Llechwedd Slate Caverns, Blaenau Ffestiniog, Gwynedd, LL41 3NB (2 hours 33 minute drive 110 miles.) Tel: 01248 601 444

Next stop Bunk House.  (16 minutes. 12 miles away.)

Glan Aber Hotel, Holyhead Road, Betws y coed, Conwy LL24 0AB Tel: 01690 710325

Saturday 1.30pm (need to be there by 1pm) White Water Rafting.

National White Water Centre. Canolfan Tryweryn, Bala, Frongoch, Gwynedd LL23 7NU (19 miles.41 minute drive taxi). Tel: 01678 521083

(Inspired by Mr Ron Burgundy and his stellar musings in his autobiography ‘Let me off at the top.’)

Coming up.

Best man speech preparation, drawing board basics, planning, template and execution.

 

All you need to know to rock at being a Best man.

The premise of my forthcoming blogs are best summed up by one of my favourite actors, the late, great Mr Chris Farley from the film ‘Tommy Boy’. “You can get a great view of a T-Bone by sticking your head up a bull’s ass but I’d rather take the Butcher’s word for it.” In other words I’ll be your Butcher. You can ask lots of people, aimlessly search the internet for jokes and toasts or hunt on YouTube for hours of Best man speeches or you can save yourself a lot of time and have a gander at my blogs. Here you can get everything you need to know about organising a Stag Do, a break down on Best man responsibilities and advice on composing a Best man speech by looking at a variety of Best man speeches that I have composed in the past.

If you’re reading this, chances are you’ve been asked to be a Best man. This is either exciting for you or filling you full of dread. The way I look at it, it’s like being asked to ride at a Rodeo. You ride her until she bucks you or you don’t ride her at all. Just remember if you feel it’s too overwhelming you’ve always got the Ushers (Rodeo Clowns) to help you out. I hope my advice will be a beacon for you to achieve some sense in the wilderness that is the chaotic pressured world of being a Best man. More so, if you learn from my successes and cock-ups you will pull off all expectations in your stride.

I have had the privilege to have been a Best man on four occasions, an Usher on six others and I have written 6 Best man speeches. I am going to share all the pearls of wisdom I have learned through trial and error over the years. It’s a total honour to be asked to be the ‘Glue’ for the biggest day of a people’s lives. A day which they and their families will remember for the rest of their lives. No worries then… I’m going to share advice to ease the pressure so that you can be confident in knowing that all bases are covered. In future blogs I will share vital tips on arranging the Stag Do, writing a fitting Wedding Speech, handling inevitable bumps in the road from accepting the honour all the way through to making that final toast with a smile and a strut.

Public speaking isn’t everybody’s cup of tea. In fact I read an article recently where a poll of 2000 people in the UK shared that public speaking was found to be more frightening than the fear of ‘death’. Only the loss of a family member was deemed to be a more terrifying thought. With this in mind I will share my personal tips of what works for me and how best to relax on the big day so that you’re as cool as the proverbial Cucumber and not shaking like a defecating pooch.

The Stag Do is always a good craic in my experience as long as you tailor it to the Groom’s tastes. Obviously you have to take the Michael out of the Groom to an appropriate degree. There are many factors in this, dependant on what the Groom’s used to. I firmly believe that if you nail the Stag Do you will set the ball rolling in a positive light and this will build your confidence and the assurance in the all-important Bride and family members from both sides in your capabilities. This will inevitably ease the tension for your wedding day responsibilities. Destination, props, fancy dress, character assignation/itinerary lanyards, drinking games and activities are important in breaking the weekend up from a total alcohol fuelled haze to an agenda that is memorable and manageable. I have been on approximately 20 Stag Dos and I will share the ‘Dos and Don’ts’, places to go, how best to keep the Bride and Groom sweet and maintain your sanity in the process.

I will share the basic format for putting a Best man speech together so that you can add your individuality to it to make it your own. I will also breakdown the structure of a Best man speech for a variety of different weddings. I have been a Best man for my brother, cousin, a life-long close pal and a best mate. Each speech is befitting to the occasion. For example at my brother’s wedding I kept it sincere, welcomed my sister-in-law into the family and shared a few shenanigans from his younger years. A few wedding guest cards were read out. One of which was planted and shared a ‘Good luck today. We’re going to miss you. Love, all the girls from the Fantasy Lounge.’ For my cousin we rocked it Las Vegas style and duties were short and sweet, for my close pal I was given ‘free reign’ by both in-laws to play it how I wanted. One example of a gag involved a wind up involving a Sea-Shell tattoo on the inside of the Bride’s upper thigh. I shared that if you place your ear against it and listen very carefully you can smell the sea. I ran any dodgy jokes of that ilk (and there were a few more of those rascals) by the Bride’s dad and even the by the Vicar which was obviously vital to not collecting a royal beating on the big day and being banished by the church elders from the shire forever. My best mate’s wedding included an elder and religious contingent which required a monumentally different approach. I ventured upon zilch ocean life tattoo witticisms on this occasion. The speech required a prop-box, Shrek mask, Ukulele, Bongo and the four Bridesmaid’s assistance. I will share a link to this speech in all its glory.

I will also share my adventures down the route of being an Usher. Arguably, bar the speech, this is a tougher job than being a Best man. As the Best man chills at the alter grinning like a Cheshire Cat with the Groom on the Wedding day, the Usher is doing anything from Car Parking duties; showing the guests to their pews; acting as the last line of defence by the church door in case a volatile ex attempts to rock up; to shepherding the guests for photos; to acting as a peacemaker should any evening guests get a little fighty; to even cleaning up the Loo should an excitable, petite guest try to chug two bottles of vino on an empty stomach in an hour and leave ‘Exorcist’ style projectile carnage in her wake. Bless her.

Coming up

‘The Stag Do’. Tailoring the ‘Do’ to the Stag. Top 10 destinations judged on Cost, activities, drinks/prices, chicas, minimal drama, ease of travels, etiquette (Fancy dress, props, lanyards) Away leg and home leg. Live the dream…